


exist for love

by that_yellow_umbrella



Category: GOT7, JJ Project
Genre: Adoption, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Anxiety, Car Accidents, Cuddling & Snuggling, Domestic Fluff, Engagement, Established Relationship, M/M, Married Couple, Married Life, Memory Loss, Musician Im Jaebum | JB, Recovered Memories, Soulmates, Writer Park Jinyoung (GOT7)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-02
Updated: 2021-02-02
Packaged: 2021-03-16 09:08:21
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,441
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28953975
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/that_yellow_umbrella/pseuds/that_yellow_umbrella
Summary: Jinyoung wakes up after five days leaving him to forget everything that happened before his car accident. He then finds a man beside him, sleeping. After days and weeks, the man was still there - waiting, taking care of him, making sure everything was fine.On a Saturday afternoon, he finds himself confident enough to make a conversation with him. When he asked if he was his best friend, the man smiled and took off the necklace he was wearing with a ring as a pendant.“This is yours.” The man holds Jinyoung’s left hand as he places the necklace on his palm with a small smile, “We’re engaged.”
Relationships: Im Jaebum | JB/Park Jinyoung, Mark Tuan/Jackson Wang
Comments: 18
Kudos: 153
Collections: JJP Big Bang





	exist for love

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! This is my fic for JJP Big Bang - 
> 
> A lot of decisions were made to really continue this fic, wouldn't bore you with the details, but I want to thank Jia (my beta for this fic) for doing her best and helping me!
> 
> I don't write angst much, few of my readers know this already. I adore fluff too much and this is like my third or fourth try in attempting an angst one, spoiler: ended up with a fluff ending.
> 
> Anyway,  
> enjoy reading!
> 
> -TYU

_  
and then you take me in  
and everything in me begins to feel like I belong  
like everybody needs a home  
and when I take your hand  
like the world has never held a man  
I know I cannot heal the hurt  
but I will hold you here forever  
if I can, if I can  
_

  


  
  
  
  
Perhaps he was his best friend or a close friend? Maybe his very concerned neighbor? Or a designated nurse that should be with him 24/7?

He doesn't know. He couldn’t remember. What he does know is that he wakes up every day at eight in the morning and the man would be there, snoring peacefully. He would wake up after an hour, stand up and get breakfast straight away without even asking him what he would like to eat. And the thing is, he doesn’t even have to. Every time he comes back, all the food he bought is surprisingly what he wanted to eat.

So maybe he was his best friend? Since he knew all his favorites.

On the second day, he noticed his features. He didn’t mean to stare at him for too long since the man didn’t actually care enough. He looked at him and acknowledged his sharp features. Although from time to time, the man would look at him like he was about to say something, but he wouldn’t and his lips would turn into a thin line, seconds later, even a pout.

He noticed his two moles above his left eye. He realized he could only see it when he stared longingly. He wanted to remember, but he couldn't. He only remembers the warm feeling and contentment every time the man was around.

Today is the fourth day since he woke up from his coma. He was involved in a car accident days ago and now he is back alive, breathing, bones intact, but his body is still aching, and memories are gone. His doctor said he turned his car into a pole instead of crashing into another rushing car. And every day since he woke up he would hear the words “You’re lucky to be alive.”

His name is Park Jinyoung. He is 26 years old, a writer in a known publishing company. 

All the information of himself was given by his doctor which he presumed was given to him by the man who was always with him in the room. 

Jinyoung doesn’t even question him. He thought he was fortunate to have a handsome visitor who was consistently there. When he wakes up, takes a nap, peels oranges for snacks, and when he sleeps. 

He was the only person he sees when he wakes up and the last before he sleeps. _Yeah, perhaps the man was his best friend._

So today when he woke up and waited for him to be awake, he asked him the same question he has been asking him over and over again. 

“Don’t you want to go home? You’re going to hurt your back if you keep sleeping in that chair. It can’t be that comfortable.”

The man shook his head and waved his hand in return “I’m fine. Don’t worry about me.” He stood up and went to the small bathroom inside the room. When he came back, he looked freshened up, hair tied up, and glasses sitting on the bridge of his nose. 

“I’m getting us food.” He smiled, the same genuine smile he has been giving him from the first day as he went out.

Jinyoung remembered that in his first two days of waking up, the man would be holding his hand tightly. Sometimes he would notice that their hands were intertwined and the man’s hands were huge and warm, but they fit him. 

On his third day when he adjusted well enough, the man stopped holding his hand. Jinyoung never questioned him why. 

While he waited for the man to come back, he heard quiet knocks on the door which he softly answered to come in. He was bewildered to see two familiar faces. He tried to sit up straight to greet his visitors. They both immediately stopped him - they made sure to put the pillow properly on his back comfortably. 

“How are you?” Jackson asked.

He remembers Jackson. He was his high school and college friend and apparently his colleague in the publishing company. He was with his boyfriend, Mark, who he had a slight past with, but they don’t talk about it anymore. He knows how much the two are happy and in love. They both knew it wouldn’t work out with them anyway.

“I’m great. Jaebeom told us what happened.”

Jinyoung eyed him curiously. _Jaebeom?_ He felt the slight tingling in his heart, he saw how the left hand of Mark reached the right shoulder of Jackson and it’s slight press.

“You still can’t remember some stuff, huh?”

“I’m sorry.” Jinyoung softly smiled.

“It’s all right. We’ll try to help as much as we can. I know Jaebeom hyung will do everything for your memories to come back.”

“Thank you for visiting me.”

Mark offered him the paper bags he was holding, there were various viands and snacks and bottles of water and juice - some of Jinyoung’s favorite food.

“You don’t have to! The man, I mean Jaebeom- _Jaebeom-sshi_ , went out to buy some breakfast.”

“It’s okay. The more the merrier.” 

Jackson walked towards Jinyoung, “You call Jaebeom hyung- Jaebeom-sshi?”

He looked at him guiltily, “I’m sorry. I- I actually just learned his name from you. I- I couldn’t remember anything about him, but he’s been with me since the very first day I was here and until now.”

There was nothing but silence in the room, only the busy buzzing of aircon could be heard. 

“Maybe you guys can tell me everything? What happened? I really want to know.”

Jackson smiled at him, fixed his hospital gown that was peering out from his shoulders, “Jinyoung-ah, I think it’s better if you ask Jaebeom hyung everything. He’s good. He’s kind. You have nothing to worry about him.”

After minutes of catching up, Jinyoung’s door was quietly opened and the man came back with paper bags with him.

“Oh? I didn’t know you guys would be here.”

Jackson stood from Jinyoung’s bed and walked towards him for a hug. He hated himself for not remembering. 

Mark smiled at Jaebeom and hugged him right after.  
“Good thing I bought a lot of food. You guys can stay. We should eat together.”

Mark waved him off, “Don’t worry about us. We’re actually about to head out. We just came to see Jinyoung’s condition. Tell us if he’s going to stay a little longer this week and we’ll make sure to visit again.”

Jaebeom smiled and patted his back.

As the couple said their goodbyes, Jackson whispered something to Jaebeom. Jinyoung could see how Jaebeom’s eyes turned to worry. He shrugged it off as he placed the paper bags in front of Jinyoung and smiled at him. 

He could see Jackson and Jaebeom talk right outside the small window of his door. Jackson was clearly explaining something to Jaebeom which the latter answers with slow nods. He could see how Jaebeom’s back stiffened, but Jackson hugged him in an instant.

Jinyoung smiled, the four of them probably have a great friendship. He quietly thinks about what Jackson said. There’s no harm in asking Jaebeom about him. _He’s right. _Everything he doesn’t remember about himself and Jaebeom, he could ask. There’s no harm right?__

__

____________________ _

__

__“So how are you doing, hyung? Is it still the same?” Jackson asks him._ _

__The bags under Jaebeom’s eyes were too visible to be ignored. Even though he was getting enough sleep in the hospital, his worries about Jinyoung were all over the place. He tries hard enough to make sure Jinyoung is comfortable with him even if it’s just the two of them inside the room._ _

__He knows Jinyoung still doesn’t remember him and he doesn’t know why it’s only _him_ that he couldn’t remember. But he doesn’t tell him or show how much it hurts, instead, every day since then, he wakes up and does their routine - he buys food, makes sure Jinyoung is eating well (since he stopped ever since he got the job in the publishing company), brings him enough books to kill time, and any other thing that would make Jinyoung remember something about him, about them._ _

__“Still the same, Seun-ah. Thank you for stopping by. I know he’s probably tired cooped up in that room.”_ _

__“You know Mark and I will always be here, right?”_ _

__Jaebeom smiles at the statement. The funny and dreaded past of Mark and Jinyoung were gone the moment they all realized it wasn’t really meant to be. It was an absurd thought at the moment, but they made it through that their friendship was more important._ _

__“I know and I really thank you guys for that. I just hope he can remember even just---” He pauses, it was ridiculous every time he thought of it. Was their life together mean that little that he was able to forget it easily? It was his anxiety that was eating him up._ _

__“-- even just tiny bits of me, of us, you know?”_ _

__“I know Jaebeom-ah, but it’s Jinyoung. Your Jinyoung and practically your soulmate. We all know we just have to wait, right?” Mark offers him another hug as the couple bid their goodbyes._ _

__

____________________ _

__

__Jaebeom quietly came back to the room, placed his jacket on top of the chair and opened the television. He prepared the utensils and food he bought for him and Jinyoung. This was their routine. The silence was indeed deafening, but it was too familiar that he felt like he was used to this._ _

__It wasn’t awkward, they weren’t tense with each other. It was a comfortable silence. Jaebeom opened the dish and he knows which part of the chicken Jinyoung likes to eat, he knows what drink he craves for, and the proper slice of fruit, even the snacks he eats._ _

__Jinyoung gave him a glance every now and then. He softly says thank you to every piece of food Jaebeom puts in his plate._ _

__He wanted to ask everything. He wanted to ask now, but he couldn’t. Every time he wanted to say something, he could feel the lump on his throat as if asking him about his memories was making him vomit._ _

__In the wee hours of Saturday morning, he could see how dark it was still outside. He finds himself looking for Jaebeom. The light from the bathroom was open and he could hear the faucet running. There were soft sniffles from the inside and he knew who it was._ _

__When Jaebeom returned he was surprised to see Jinyoung awake._ _

__Jinyoung did a small wave which he immediately regrets because _who waves a hand in two in the morning when they’re basically just the two of them in the room the whole time.__ _

___“Couldn’t sleep?” Jaebeom asked._ _ _

___“Yes. I tried to push myself to sleep, but I really couldn't.”_ _ _

___“Don’t worry. Do you want me to open the television?”_ _ _

___Jinyoungs shook his head._ _ _

___“How are you feeling?”_ _ _

___“Still broken bones, but better than yesterday. I really just couldn't sleep.”_ _ _

___Jaebeom walked towards the other side where a small table was placed. He opened his bag and brought out the books inside. He put them on Jinyoung’s lap. “This might help.”_ _ _

___Jinyoung’s eyes brighten to see the pile of books, but pouts when he sees how familiar they were. “I already finished these, Jaebeom-sshi.”_ _ _

___The man looked at him weirdly when Jinyoung called him with the honorific. He answered with a smile, “I forgot how quickly you read. I just tried to get as many books as possible.”_ _ _

___Jinyoung’s mind immediately bobbled with what Jaebeom meant._ _ _

___“You hungry?”_ _ _

___“No. Thank you.”_ _ _

___Jaebeom sets himself on the couch as he tries to come back to his slumber._ _ _

___“Are you?”_ _ _

___Jaebeom peeks at him with his left eye, “Am I what?”_ _ _

___“Are you hungry?”_ _ _

___He could see Jaebeom’s smile even just from the soft light of the lamp near him. “No, I’m not, Jinyoung-ah. Thank you.”_ _ _

___Jinyoung immediately relaxes. He thought of the statement _nothing good happens after 2 A.M. _, he looked at the clock and it was already 2:15. He’s fighting himself from asking too many questions when the man in front of him was clearly trying to sleep.___ _ _

____He sighs, but Jackson was right. Jaebeom probably knows everything anyway. There’s no harm in asking._ _ _ _

____“Are you my best friend?” He quickly regrets asking the question as there was just silence afterwards. He could sense the man shifting from the couch to face him._ _ _ _

____The man softly laughs. “Are you trying to remember me, Jinyoung-ah?”_ _ _ _

____When he looked at him, he felt a needle push it’s way further to his heart. The man was smiling, but he could see how hurt he was._ _ _ _

____“Maybe?” He answers._ _ _ _

____Jaebeom nods, “Yeah. We’re kind of like best friends.”_ _ _ _

____“Just, kind of?”_ _ _ _

____He finds himself confident enough to make a conversation with him. Jaebeom clicked the lampshade near him, he could see clearer as they both shift their positions to face each other properly._ _ _ _

____Jaebeom put on his glasses as he faced Jinyoung. The younger could feel his heart get warmer with the sight. “Well, we’re really close. We’re living together and we have a cat._ _ _ _

____“We?”_ _ _ _

____“Yes, _we_ ”_ _ _ _

____“So we are best friends.”_ _ _ _

____Jaebeom laughs which makes Jinyoung conscious of his words. “Well, okay, I guess we are. What else do you want to know?”_ _ _ _

____“ _Uhm, _what’s your job?”___ _ _ _

______“I’m a music professor, but from time to time I also write.”_ _ _ _ _ _

______“Did you publish anything?”_ _ _ _ _ _

______“No. _Not yet._ My editor is not yet done reading my works.” _ _ _ _ _ _

______He could see the playful glint on his eyes and he immediately thought of his own job, “Wait- _wait,_ I’m your editor?”_ _ _ _ _ _

______Jaebeom laughs again, “No. Jackson. But you told me to not give it to him until you finished reading it. Apparently you always wanted to be the first one to read my works.”_ _ _ _ _ _

______Jinyoung smiles with that thought, “Really?”_ _ _ _ _ _

______“Yes.” The man returns the smile._ _ _ _ _ _

______He finds himself staring at Jaebeom for a moment too long. The elder was returning the favor with a genuine smile. “Anything else you want to ask?”_ _ _ _ _ _

______“I’m really sorry. It’s just that-” He closes his eyes and sighs deeply._ _ _ _ _ _

______“Don’t worry about it. I’m not going anywhere, Nyoung-ah.”_ _ _ _ _ _

______Jinyoung looks back at him, “I’m really… sorry that I can’t remember. I really want to know who you are and just- _everything. _____ _ _ _ _

________It was quiet again in the room. Both of them are trying to find the right words to ask and answer the questions._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________Jaebeom moves first, he walks back to the table and brings out a small cream envelope with golden flakes surrounded in front. He hasn't given it to Jinyoung yet, but the younger waits for what’s to come._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________He could see how Jaebeom was fighting himself on whether to give it to him or not, Jinyoung hopes to see what’s inside the envelope._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________Jaebeom’s steps towards him were soft and slow. He could feel the nervousness coming from him. The man quietly sits on the small space of his bed._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“This is ours.” He hands him the envelope with a hopeful smile._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________Jinyoung tilts his head as he looks at the envelope. The cream colour was relaxing to his eyes, definitely something he would choose. The gold flakes surrounding the sides of the envelope were beautiful enough to make him smile. The baronial flap of the envelope has a sealing wax with the lettering _JJ_._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“Oh, it’s a… a wedding invite?”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________Jaebeom nods._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“Are you getting married?”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________Jaebeom startles from his question, but this is Jinyoung. Jinyoung who couldn’t remember. He tried to hide the hurt from his eyes, but he still gave him the softest smile he could._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“Just read it, Jinyoung-ah.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________Jinyoung carefully peels the seal and opens the envelope. The invitation design was clearly beautiful and new. It warms his heart with the greetings._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_________You are cordially invited to the wedding ceremony of Park Jinyoung and Lim Jaebeom…_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“... What’s this?”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________He reads the heading of the invitation again and again and _again.__ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“Oh… God.” His eyes widen as he reads it again, and no matter how many times he reads it, he feels excited and betrayed by his own mind as how upset he was that he couldn’t remember anything._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_You are cordially invited to the wedding ceremony of Park Jinyoung and Lim Jaebeom…_

_You are cordially invited to the wedding ceremony of Park Jinyoung and Lim Jaebeom…_

_Park Jinyoung and Lim Jaebeom…_

_Park Jinyoung…_

_and Lim Jaebeom…_

________That’s them. That’s the two of them. They were getting married. They were getting married, but he couldn’t remember anything._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________He didn’t notice the tears flowing out of his eyes. He looked at Jaebeom. “... This. Wait… are we? Wait, oh God.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“Yes. I’m sorry, Jinyoung-ah.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________Jinyoung couldn’t remove his eyes from Jaebeom. It was just the two of them in the room, it was Jinyoung who couldn’t remember anything, couldn’t remember Jaebeom, his memories with Jaebeom, them together, their wedding, _nothing,_ but it was the latter who was asking for forgiveness when it should’ve been him._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________So that’s why he was the constant person in his room ever since he woke up, the worried looks every time he murmurs a painful sigh, the gentle expressions, how he would bring him all his favorites, the devotion, the concern, the selflessness._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________When Jinyoung didn't answer, the man smiled and took off the necklace he was wearing. Two silver band rings served as a pendant. It was very simple but elegant enough that made him look twice at Jaebeom._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“This is yours.” He holds Jinyoung’s left hand as he places the necklace with one ring on his palm with a small smile. “We’re engaged.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“We’re engaged... but you don’t have to wear this. I got the invitations yesterday, but I already gave a heads up to our friends and family that we’ll cancel it. I tried to handle and explain as much as I could and I’m sorry I didn’t tell you sooner.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________Jinyoung couldn’t say anything back as he looked at the ring placed on his palm._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“You don’t have to worry about anything, Jinyoung-ah. We don’t have to…” Jaebeom paused for a while trying to find the right words, but couldn’t. “... We don’t have to get married. We just need to focus on bringing your memories back.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“... And I’ll take care of you. I’ll take care of you only if you want me to.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________ _ _ _ _ _ _

________Jaebeom was having a last minute general cleaning of their apartment. Their last conversation over the week was whether Jinyoung would still stay with him at their home or stay at Jackson’s for a while. It was a fairly voiced out decision. Jaebeom was open to him with everything after their postmidnight talk, and since then, the elder would answer him immediately with everything he was curious about._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________As he hears the car horn from outside, Jaebeom quickly removes his cleaning gloves to pick Jinyoung up from the gate._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________He curses as he hears Nora’s soft mewling sounds asking for food, the remaining frame glass still shattered on the floor the last time he visited the apartment. He was in a hurry to get back to Jinyoung before, so after he put the books inside his bags, he accidentally bumps one of the picture frames and it smashes on the floor. He reminds himself to sweep it after he places Jinyoung’s bag in his room._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________He absentmindedly holds Jinyoung’s hand to gesture him inside but stops as he realizes what he did. Jinyoung shrugs it off and murmurs a soft “It’s okay Jaebeom-sshi” to him._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________When Jinyoung entered the room, the cozy place felt too familiar to his liking. The cream coloured couch with a fleece blanket on top, definitely something he would agree to buy, and the large bookshelf that welcomed him._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________He smiles when he sees how they have so many books that some of them ended up on the table in the living room._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________He heard a quiet sound from his feet that nudged his leg. The cat immediately places himself on top of Jinyoung’s left foot, unbothered._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________He laughed as he picked up the cat. “Hello, there.” He looked at Jaebeom, and he immediately understood what he meant._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“Her name is Nora. We adopted her five years ago.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________Jinyoung tilts his head to question, “Five?”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“Yes. I got her first. She’s been with me for seven years? I think. We weren’t together yet when I got her, but…” Jaebeom paused and laughed as he walked back to the kitchen, “You said that since we’re finally living together and all that, you wanted to be her father too, so yes, we adopted her five years ago.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________The younger smiled, “Seems like I can get away with everything.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“Yes. You have your ways… and Nora loves you more than me anyway. I know she misses you more.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________Jinyoung giggles as he plays with Nora’s soft paws._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________As he looked around the cozy apartment, he was surprised on how some of the things were too familiar to him, he definitely could remember some, especially the things on his office table, the books, the pieces of vinyl just right outside his room, but every time he tries to push his mind to think further, it hurts him emotionally and mentally._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“Shit. Don’t move, Jinyoung-ah!” Jaebeom shouts as he sees Jinyoung walking nearer towards the bookshelf. He immediately widens his eyes from the shout and Jaebeom realizes what he just did._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“Sorry… I’m sorry, it’s just that there are broken glasses scattered here because of the picture frame. Let me sweep it first.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________Jinyoung glances at him again and smiles. “It’s okay, Jaebeom-sshi.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________There’s one thing Jinyoung notices every time he calls him _Jaebeom-sshi._ It’s as if the latter tries not to show him the pout or pained expression from his eyes. _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________Jaebeom would definitely not say how it hurts when Jinyoung calls it that instead of the playful ‘Hyung’, ‘Beom’, or ‘Beomie’. But he shakes his head with the thought, he stll hopes that Jinyoung will remember._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________It felt strange at first - bringing Jinyoug back to their apartment even if it shouldn’t be a problem in the first place. Besides, it was their apartment where they built their life together, bought the furniture together, cleaned and cooked together, and arranged everything together. It was painful to see Jinyoung quietly adjust himself with everything that surrounds him._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________Jaebeom places fruits and a glass of water on the table in the living room area where Jinyoung rests for a while. He hesitates for a while whether they should talk or plan what they need to do next._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________So he fakes a cough, “So…”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________Jinyoung looks at him as he playfully rubs Nora’s tummy. “Does… does anything here help you? Do you remember anything?”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________With an apologetic smile, Jinyoung shakes his head. “I’m sorry.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________Jaebeom answers with a wave, “Don’t worry. We have a lot of time.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“So, what do I… normally do around here? Like besides my weekday work?”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________Jaebeom dithers on how he should answer the question. Of course, he knows Jinyoung’s routine, he memorizes it even without blinking, but at this point, he knows that all Jinyoung remembers about himself was his friends, family, job, and not him, not their apartment, not their cat, not their wedding._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________He looks at the clock which says 5 in the afternoon. “Well, it’s Friday. After work, I usually pick you up so we can get dinner together in our favorite coffee shop. Sometimes when we have time we go to the cinemas and try to watch anything new or interesting. If not, we just stop by the groceries and make sure we have stock food, we buy Nora a toy and litter, and we discuss what we want to do during the weekends.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________Jinyoung couldn’t stop feeling the calmness in Jaebeom’s voice. Imaging their routine was enough for him to know how much they love each other. He hates the idea that he couldn’t remember anything, even the simplest of things with him._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“Since it’s Friday, do you want to grab that dinner? You can show me the coffee shop and tell me more.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“Do you want to?”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________Jinyoung nods. “Yeah. Can we?”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“Of course. Let me just show you your room and where you can put all your stuff and we’ll go.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“We’re not in the same room?”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________Jaebeom feels numb, of course he wants to, heck, he really does. But he thought about Jinyoung first. His priority was Jinyoung to get his memories back and they can do it slowly and step by step._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“No. I moved stuff around. I think it would be better if you stay in the main bedroom. There’s a lot of pictures there, maybe it will help you more.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“Where will you stay?”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“We have this other room where I record music. Don’t worry about me.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________ _ _ _ _ _ _

________They settle for a table far away from the counter. The corner of the coffee shop feels warm enough for both of them. The silence and soft music were also calming._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“You wait here. I’ll get us food. I’ll try to get your favorite order and see if you still like it.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________Jinyoung nods and thanks him._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________It’s funny for him, obviously, it would still be his favorite. He doesn’t even have to ask. Ever since he woke up from his coma, all he ate that Jaebeom bought was his favorite._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________As days go by with Jaebeom, he realizes that they seem to complement each other’s routine a lot. At first, it was a bit awkward as they tried to familiarize themselves and adjust to their surroundings. _Well, it was Jinyoung who had to adjust himself more._ He knew how Jaebeom would have a good amount of patience with him, the moment he wakes up, what food he wants for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. How he would run in the morning for his new daily exercise and Jaebeom would go with him to show him the streets with good bakeries and stores to buy stuff._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________They seem to be formal with each other. Jaebeom gives him a good lot of space, especially in their apartment. He lets him do what he wants, whether if he wants to go outside or just stay inside his room. He never pushes him to do more or remember more. Although there would be moments where Jaebeom would be too comfortable with him that they both catch themselves surprised with it. The elder would immediately smile and utter an apology which he would shrug it off and tell him that it’s fine and it would be better to be comfortable with each other._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________On the other hand, it was a bit weird feeling for Jaebeom at first. Back then, they would joke around and tease each other all day and return to their shared bed full of laughter and smiles. One of them would wake the other for breakfast, the other would prepare and they would leave the house together to get on with their routine._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________But right now it was different. Jaebeom would always wake up first and Jinyoung would find food on the table which the latter prepared already. Sometimes they eat together and share the calm silence of their apartment - sometimes with Nora’s mewling. Sometimes Jinyoung would bring his food inside the room and sleep right away. There was a time when he did that and he found that his dishes had been cleared out already._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________There are days when Jaebeom would be the first one to leave due to his work, but Jackson and Mark would always be seconds away afterwards. They would hang out and talk and the couple would try to retell their stories together, which Jinyoung really appreciates a lot._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________Jinyoung looks around the coffee shop, only vague memories and fuzzy feelings envelop his mind. Furnishings that seem to be familiar that makes him comfortable in his seat. He wanders around the people eating and ponders whether he already saw them from before._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________As Jinyoung waits for Jaebeom to come back, a tall, soft-toned, and black-haired man with a checkered flannel walks towards him. He greets him hello as the man tries to start a conversation._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________Jaebeom could see the scene right before his eyes. He’s used to people flirting with Jinyoung. He already got their orders on the tray, but he couldn’t move. He couldn’t even remove his eyes from them._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________He couldn’t hear what they were talking about, but from their shy smiles to each other, the man was definitely hitting on Jinyoung. He hates the feeling of jealousy especially that Jinyoung doesn’t even remember anything about him. He doesn’t even have the right to feel these things, does he?_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________He tries to stay put. They didn’t really talk about the engagement and their wedding in the first place. After their 2 A.M. talk, nothing about the issue was pressed on. Even if their wedding will be held in three weeks, he knew it wouldn’t push through._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________Jaebeom just believes with the odds that one day, Jinyoung will wake up and remember him, remember everything and it will finally be okay._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________As he walks towards their table slowly, Jaebeom can finally hear bits of their conversation._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“Well, I have to go. Can I get your number, Jinyoungie?”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_________Jinyoungie? Jinyoungie? Jinyoungie?_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________God, when was the last time he called Jinyoung that, but here’s a strange man, already on good terms with him._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________He knows that Jinyoung is definitely a loyal person. They even talked about this before they moved their relationship into a serious one. Jinyoung is not unfaithful. They trust each other a lot, but right now, Jinyoung could live alone and happily without Jaebeom in the picture and the younger would still be fine. Jinyoung would still be fine without him._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________He could see how Jinyoung’s shoulder stiffened from the question. “Oh… I’m sorry. I’m engaged.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“You’re engaged? You’re not wearing any ring?” The man looked at Jinyoung’s hand._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________Jinyoung isn’t wearing their engagement ring, instead, he’s wearing the necklace with his ring as the pendant. He showed it to him with an apologetic smile._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“I’m sorry.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________The man returns his smile and apologizes back. Jaebeom realizes he was holding his breath for too long. He tried to look composed and natural as the man passed by him._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________Jaebeom slowly places the tray on their table with a smile. Jinyoung sighs as a relief.  
“Thank you for the food.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“Not a problem. I still hope you like white chocolate mocha and gnocchi with tomato sauce. I also bought you a chocolate chip cookie.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“It looks delicious! Thank you so much.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“You’re welcome, babe.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________Jaebeom’s eyes widened from shock. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry that was…”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“You have nothing to apologize for Jaebeom-sshi. It’s fine.” Jinyoung smiles at him. “You saw the whole thing didn’t you?”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“Just the end of it…” Jaebeom confesses._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________Jinyoung’s smile widens, but Jaebeom starts to eat his food with a pout that he didn’t know was shown enough._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________Jaebeom looks at him straight in the eyes. “You know you can, right? If you wanted to. You always can. We haven’t talked about the engagement and wedding, but I want you to know it’s fine if you date other people. We aren’t technically…”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“We’re engaged, Jaebeom-sshi. Even if I don’t remember the whole thing, I trust myself why I said yes. I know I can remember everything. We both just have to wait.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________And for the first time for weeks, Jaebeom felt relieved with Jinyoung’s statement. He continues to munch on his food happily._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“... and wow, this actually tastes so good. I think it’s still my favorite then?” Jinyoung smiles as he takes another bite of his food._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________Jaebeom smiles as he places his left hand on top of Jinyoung’s right, he quietly intertwines their pinky fingers together. They both smiled as nobody moved away._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________ _ _ _ _ _ _

________The car ride back to their apartment was too deafening this time. They went back to the hospital a week later because even if Jinyoung can finally do physical activities, exercising regularly, doing his routine, and eating as much healthy food he could, his memories aren’t returning._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________He learns cooking from time to time, he tries to fix them a lunch one time which ended up with Jaebeom doing it instead, he quickly finishes the book he bought from the nearby book store in just a day, he realizes how much he loves photography which became his hobby._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________Now and then every time they go out for a run, they both bring their film camera together._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________When they went to the hospital, all his tests were definitely good. His stats were good, his health, his physical and mental capability were intact. He appears to be fine which they were both relieved to hear, but unfortunately, they still couldn’t determine when Jinyoung’s memories will come back._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________They may come back today, tomorrow, a week from now, months, a year, decades, no one knows and no one is sure enough to state._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________When they arrive back home, Jinyoung settles himself on the couch and lazily sprawls his body to relax as he watches the television._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________Jaebeom excuses himself for a minute as he calls someone. Jinyoung eyes him curiously as the elder has been giddy ever since their ride._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“Yes, I’d like to cancel our appointment…”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“No, it’s okay, we understand. We’re sorry for the hassle… Yes, we’ll cancel it for now…”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“Yes, we’ll ask for a refund…”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________Jinyoung quickly understands that it might be someone from the city hall who was fixing their wedding preparation that Jaebeom had to cancel. He could hear the crack of Jaebeom’s voice as the latter tried not to choke up with his words._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________As soon as Jaebeom hung up, he saw Jinyoung looking at him who offered a tight smile._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“I, uh, called the city hall. I canceled our wedding.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________Jaebeom was still standing in the kitchen - not moving. He doesn’t even have the energy to. Months ago they were excited about this. This was all they could talk about. This was the day they’ve been waiting for, and all it takes was a call to cancel the most important event they thought they would have._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________Jinyoung looks away and mutters a “Thank you.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________Jaebeom faces the sink instead and tries to clean the kitchen. “Don’t worry. I should’ve cancelled it weeks ago. I’m sorry I called them just now.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________He nods as an answer even if Jaebeom couldn’t see him. “It’s okay. Thank you for canceling.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_________Thank you for canceling._ Jaebeom scoffs deep inside, four words he never even thought about hearing._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________Complete silence filled the room._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“I’ll make sure to pay you back with everything we spent.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“You don’t have to.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“No, I can pay everything so-”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“No, you don’t have to. Before we even planned this wedding, we decided to have a joint checking account. Besides, it was a very small wedding. Family and friends only so it was only quick when I told them the news.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________Jinyoung moved past the living room and sat near Jaebeom instead, he watched him clean the dishes._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“We were saving up anyway. That’s why it was a small wedding.” Jaebeom adds since he knew Jinyoung probably has too many questions he doesn’t want to ask._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“We were saving up?”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“Yes.” Jaebeom nods. “We also listed this house near your company where we can move in after the wedding.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“A house?”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“Yes.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“And a car. We both agreed to buy a new one and bigger one.” _For us and the kids.__ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“A car.” Jinyoung repeats, not as a question. He tries to absorb all the information he could, he imagines himself in a bigger house, with the new car, with new furniture, new placement of their photos, and he realizes that it’s what we want._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________Jaebeom proceeds to cook their dinner instead. He put out all the ingredients for today and decided to cook Kimchi Jjigae, another favorite of Jinyoung._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“What are you going to cook?”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“Kimchi Jjigae.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“Do I like Kimchi Jjigae?”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“Yes.” Jinyoung could feel the coldness of Jaebeom’s answers to his questions._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“Do you always cook for us?”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“Yes. You prefer home food instead of take outs.” Jinyoung nods._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“Do I help you out?”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“Sometimes.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________Jaebeom could feel his exhaustion already because of everything that happened. He’s still grasping the idea of their wedding being cancelled, but he can’t do anything but continue the routine and ignore whatever exasperation he was feeling._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“Did we ever talk about kids?” Jinyoung muses. “Did we talk about adopting kids or maybe adding another pet?”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“Yeah. A bigger house and bigger car for us and the kids, even getting Nora a playmate.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“All after we got married?”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“Yes.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“ _Hmm,_ how about the kids? Did we talk about how ma-”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________Jaebeom stopped cutting the vegetables and slams the knife he was holding to the cutting board. Some of it flew around the sink._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“How?! How the fuck can you not remember any of this, Jinyoung-ah?!”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________Jinyoung flinches at Jaebeom’s tone. His eyes widen as Jaebeom faces him instead. The hurt and sadness clearly appeared on his face._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“How Jinyoung, how?!”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________Jaebeom placed both his hands on his face as he tried to stop himself from crying. “Jinyoung you’re my best friend.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“You know me longer than Mark and Jackson! Even if we weren’t together for so many years, we were friends first, Jinyoung. We were friends first, but you still can’t remember me?!” Jaebeom manages to speak as his voice cracks._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“Jinyoung, how can you fucking forget everything in just one night?! Everything- everything about me is gone. You didn’t even remember my name when you woke up. Everything was gone just like that!”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“Do you even know how much it hurts?!”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“I’m sorry… I’m really sorry,” Jinyoung's voice was so soft that Jaebeom immediately felt the guilt through his whole body._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“I’m really trying to remember everything---”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“You should've tried better! Do you know how much it hurts me every time you ask me questions about our relationship?! You asked about the house, the car, even the fucking kids! We were planning our life together!”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“Jesus, fuck, I even just cancelled our wedding, Jinyoung. I cancelled the most important even in our lives in just one fucking call! Do you know how much that hurts?”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“I’m sorry, I need to cancel our wedding because my fiancé can’t remember me-- I couldn’t even say that.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________Before Jinyoung could even mutter another sorry, Jaebeom walks out with their car keys. He slammed the door as walked out, not even caring if their neighbors called from all the noise._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________It was dark out and definitely cooler than the inside of their apartment. Jaebeom collapsed just right outside the door. He pressed his hands together to his face as he sighs, he was still in pain, heck, he was in pain since the beginning, but the adrenaline in his mind and body was boggling him that he couldn’t concentrate._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________He was so frustrated that he couldn’t help himself, but to cry. The frustration and madness were eating at him and he had never felt so tired in his life. He wanted to scream, he wanted to run so far away until he couldn’t feel his legs._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________He knows it wasn’t Jinyoung’s fault in the first place. He was just stressed and frustrated, yes, stressed and frustrated that he took it out on him instead. He feels like shit already._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________He imagines life without Jinyoung and he couldn’t even stop himself from crying because there’s no way, no way to live his life without Jinyoung._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________He stands up quickly and inhales deeply. The fresh air coming to him. He opens the door and steps inside. He fixes the shoe rack as he wears his slippers again. He looked at the kitchen and Jinyoung was still seated on the chair where he left him._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________Jinyoung’s doe-eyes were looking at him in shock, they didn't say a thing._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“You’re… you’re back.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________He knows Jinyoung was watching him. He sighs deeply. “I don’t have anywhere else to go... And I didn’t bring my jacket, it's cold out.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________Jaebeom walks towards Jinyoung. He kneels in front of him and takes both his hands. “You know, we were about to get married next week. Next week I thought I would be the happiest man in the world because we’re finally going to be together. And when I walked out I realized, I was already happy in the first place because I was with you. It hurts that you don’t remember a single thing about me, but it’s okay.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“It’s okay because a week from now, I was about to vow how I’ll never ever leave you. How I’ll never walk out and that I will always be here for you. Jinyoung, you’re my life. And I know that even if you don’t remember me, I still love you wholeheartedly. I know that even if years from now and you still don’t remember me, it wouldn’t change how I feel about you. I don’t want to walk away from you. I love you and know that I’ll always, always come back.” Jaebeom whispers and kisses Jinyoung’s hands._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________Jaebeom smiles and stands up._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“I’m really sorry. I promise I’ll try to remember better.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“I’m sorry for yelling a while ago and for cursing and everything. I realized that I can’t put this pressure on you, I can’t continue to push you on trying to make your memories come back again.” Jaebeom goes back from what he has been cooking._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“...What do you mean?”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“You’ve also been stressing yourself with the memories and everything. I know it’s not your fault and it’s not in your control to remember, but I--” Jaebeom paused and shut his eyes._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“-- I want you to be happy and not stressed about trying to recall everything when you can be out there creating new ones. In case you still don’t remember me, you deserve to feel the way I do about you. Even if it’s with someone else, Jinyoung.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________Jinyoung looks at him. “...What’s happening?” His voice was wavering._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“I’ll move out. I’ll stay somewhere, maybe at Jackson’s. I love you. I love you so much, but I feel like I’m strangling you to remember me, to remember us. I don’t want you to stay just because you’re trying for me or because you don’t want to hurt me. Jinyoung, if you don’t love me that’s fine. You should move on.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“Does… does this mean we’re breaking up?” Jinyoung asks._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________Jaebeom faces him again, smiles ever so tiredly, “Jinyoung I’m letting you go. I told you. I’ll always be here. I’ll always come back, but this time I want you to be happy. Do what you want this time. Not for me, not for us.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________ _ _ _ _ _ _

________Jaebeom spent almost two weeks on Jackson’s couch. His friend insisted to move to the only bedroom in the house since he could always stay at Mark’s instead, but his stubborn mind just said it was okay to make the living room his go-to._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________He still did his routines, he would wake up early in the morning and cook breakfast for two which Jackson by now appreciates a lot because of the healthy food. He would still go out especially on Fridays which was their official date night._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________Nora stays with Jinyoung instead of him, which was great too considering Jaebeom pushed himself to write more songs and focus on academia. Sometimes, he’ll ask about him and Jackson would answer the same thing - “He’s doing fine, he’s doing great, you don’t have to worry._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________Sometimes he would also subtly question Jackson if Jinyoung asks about him, and Jackson, of course, would honestly tell him, yes he does. The three of them would go to the places where Jaebeom and he would visit during their date nights and weekends, and every time he tries to remember, there’s nothing._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“He asked about you a lot today,” Jackson said as he munches away the dinner that Jaebeom cooked._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“What happened today?”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“Well, apparently he has a date tomorrow and he asked if you’re also dating.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________Jaebeom stopped eating to look at Jackson, “... and what did you say?”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“I said that you’re a rotting potato on my couch and you can’t stop stealing my food.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________The elder shoots him a glare which Jackson laughs at, “I’m sorry I’m just joking, hyung. I told him you're still the same. I told him you’re writing and getting yourself busy with work and all that shit you told me to.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________Jaebeom nods as he silently continues to eat._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“You’re a good guy, hyung. I know you are. Even if Jinyoung doesn’t remember the man he has been with for how many fucking years, he remembers the Jaebeom that has been there - the Jaebeom who took care of him patiently.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“I don’t think that matters, Jackson.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“He told us what you told him before you guys… broke up? If that’s even the right way to say it. You told him to look for someone that would make him happy, you told him to move on and all that stuff---” He pauses._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“--what if this is also kind of a way for both of you to start over right? You didn’t fight or anything, he just forgot a part of his past, the thing is you’re still here anyway. You can both make new memories together, hyung.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“It’s fine, Jackson. We already talked about it. You don’t have to worry about us. It’s fine even if he dates other people.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“So you’re okay with your soulmate dating other people?”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________Jaebeom glared at him again, but instead of fighting Jackson about the issue, he sulks quietly as he finishes his food._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________He cleans both their dishes as Jackson says his good night. Jaebeom couldn’t help himself, but to swallow all his muffled cries. He doesn’t want Jackson to know that a grown man has been crying for almost two weeks on his couch._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________When he woke up the next day, he read the note that Jackson placed in front of him. It was the time and place for Jinyoung’s date which of course he would not jeopardize. He wants Jinyoung to be happy and if that meant him dating other people, then it’s fine. Besides, he promised Jinyoung he’d come back right away once he tells him to, so he will._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________He went to grab breakfast at their favorite coffee shop, which made him more masochist than ever. He ordered Jinyoung’s favorite just to try it out, and _he really didn’t order it because he misses Jinyoung,_ he tells himself._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________The whole afternoon was gone with just a blink as he focused himself on writing, watching, grading papers, and editing his own music. The day seems to be longer than usual. Jinyoung’s date is probably about to end, on the other hand, it might even extend, but he doesn’t want to think about that._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________He goes out to buy food for himself and some snacks since he would probably stay late again to binge-watch whatever films there were._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________It was chilly outside and a news flash of snow alerts his phone. He decides to walk instead of using his car, which was a big mistake just after minutes of walking through the cool breeze._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________He stops his tracks when he hears a very familiar ringtone he has set for a one person only._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“Hello?”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“Hello, Jinyoung-ah?”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________It was quiet on the other line, which Jaebeom immediately thought of as a pocket dial, but after a while, he could hear the soft sniffles to heavy cries.  
“Jinyoung-ah? Are you okay?”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_________Silence._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“Jinyoung, are you there?”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________He couldn’t understand the voice from the other line as it was too garbled. “Hyung…”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________He felt chills all over his body and not just because of the wind._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“Hyung… Jaebeom hyung… Jaebeom hyung…”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“Oh, god. Jinyoung, where are you? Are you okay?”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________Jinyoung was definitely mumbling words from the other line, but Jaebeom couldn’t understand as it overlapped with his cries._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________He remembers the place of Jinyoung’s date which would probably be thirty minutes away from where he was. He immediately ran to the nearest bus stop, which of course honest to god might be a jinx as there were too many people outside waiting._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________He tried to stop a taxi which just honked at him. He doubts himself from doing the inevitable, but he runs. He ran as much as he could, he stopped again to the nearest bus stop and waited. When no bus arrived, he ran again to the next bus stop, and on his fourth try which was fifteen minutes away from Jinyoung, he sighs._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________All the morning runs were worth it after all this time. He never felt so cold and hot at the same time that he feels like he would combust at any second._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________The minutes felt longer than before and if he could choose, he could probably run faster than the bus he was on._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________As he stepped outside the bus and walked towards the familiar park, couples were scattered around. He couldn’t see Jinyoung. He tried to look at the most popular parts of the park and Jinyoung wasn’t there._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________He tried to call, but he was out of reach. There’s only one place he hasn’t gone through and it’s the last place he could ever think of. It was this very old convenience store where they used to eat spicy ramen during chilly days like this._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________As he walks nearer the place, a very familiar figure stops him. He was crying non stop not caring whether people were looking at him._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“It’s cold and you’re wearing a thin jacket, Jinyoung-ah.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________Jinyoung looked up and saw him. He immediately cried harder and ran to hug him. He felt relieved and happy that after months, he finally felt his favorite hug from his favorite person._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“What happened to you?”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________Jinyoung couldn’t talk properly and Jaebeom had the audacity to laugh at him, “Breathe, Jinyoung-ah, breathe. It’s okay. Look at me, breathe.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“Jaebeom hyung.” The younger points at the store in front of them._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“You--- _you_ proposed here!”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________Jaebeom couldn’t stop himself from smiling and crying at the same time. “Yes, I did Jinyoung.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“And it was snowing. _It was snowing,_ and we both went out with our thin hoodies because we just decided to eat spicy ramen in the middle of the night.” Jinyoung smiles as he continues._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“We shared this huge cup, we shared drinks, and then you paused. You looked at me and said that you’ll get used to this and then you laughed and told me that in the most unexpected places, you always realize the best parts in life were the little things with the person you love.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“Yes, I did tell you that.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“And then I told you that you’re becoming sappier each year and you told me it was because of me.” He snorted as he remembered their conversation. “Then you removed the necklace that you’ve been wearing for so many months. It has two pendants and you showed me the rings. You asked to marry me right there and then… and I said yes.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“You said that you were always waiting for the right time to do it, but you never could because it never felt like the event was special enough for us, but that night, when we laughed on how cold we were and how hot the spicy ramen was--” Jinyoung laughed. “--you said every moment was the right moment and then you put the ring on me.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“You remember?”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“Jaebeom hyung.” Jinyoung continued his cries and Jaebeom never felt so relieved and alive. “I love you and I’m sorry that it took too long.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________Jaebeom immediately embraced him with a tight hug and kissed his forehead. “Jinyoungie, _oh_ my Jinyoungie. I love you. I love you so much.” _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“I love you, hyung. I’m so sorry. I’m sorry.” Jinyoung repeated it like a mantra and Jaebeom peppered his face with kisses._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“You don’t have to say sorry, Jinyoung. I told you everything will be fine, right?”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________They both wiped each other’s tears away and kissed in front of the store, the scene too familiar to their liking. Finally, _finally_ everything felt okay._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“So you’re telling me that your memories came back the moment he was about to kiss you in front of the store?”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________They were both sprawled on their couch, television playing in the background._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________Jinyoung’s head was placed on top of his chest, playfully twirling the soft locks of his hair._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“No, I said the memories came back when we kissed and then I started crying out of nowhere which freaked him out and I told him I couldn’t do it.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“So you kissed someone?”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________Jinyoung looked at him with a glare. “Hyung! I told you that’s not the point of my story.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________Jaebeom laughed as he squished Jinyoung’s cheeks with one hand, playfully giving him quick pecks on the lips._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“Yeah I know. You probably love me too much that kissing someone else was too uncanny for you.” He grinned._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________The statement earned him a flick on his forehead which Jinyoung kissed right away._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________Their apartment was cozy enough and too familiar, but they were content - like before, only this time they both knew that nothing could ever separate both of them. They were both quiet, lounging in their area that only the heavy winds from the open window and low volume of television could be heard._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“Hyung.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“Hm?”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“I’m sorry that it took too long. I’m sorry that it took me a while and even went on something stupid for me to remember everything.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________Jaebeom looked at him with a soft smile, kissed his nose before speaking. “Jinyoung-ah, I’m grateful for what happened after our conversation. We were both stressed, upset, we were worried about what’s going to happen ahead of us. It was a heavy decision to make, but we went through it. All it matters is we’re both finally here. _Again._ ”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“I love you, Jaebeom hyung.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“I love you too, Jinyoung.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“Jinyoung-ah! I already called you twice. I told you to wake up already! We can’t cancel cake testing again. I can’t tell them I have a bad stomach! It was our excuse last week.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________A sleepy Jinyoung emerges from their bedroom with swollen eyes from staying up too late watching films (a good amount of time ogling his boyfriend), which Jaebeom obviously told him not to because they have an early appointment at their favorite cake shop._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_________“Jinyoung-ah! I already called you twice. I told you to wake up already! We can’t cancel cake testing again. I can’t tell them I have a bad stomach!”_ Jinyoung mimics Jaebeom playfully as he sat in front of him to eat breakfast._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“Because of that, you can’t have extra bacon.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________Jinyoung looked at him with one eye open and tried to glare at him. “Then I wish for you to really have a bad stomach today.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“Oh really? Is that how you treat your fiancé?”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________The latter immediately pouts as he snatches the bacon away from Jaebeom’s plate._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“You do know you’re going to make us late, right?”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________Jinyoung grins as he looks at him. “It’s okay Beomie, I already know what cake I want.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“What cake _we_ want.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“No, cake I want.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________Jaebeom stares at him and laughs. “You’re lucky I love you.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“Then you’re lucky that I love you too.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________The elder snorts as he continues to eat. “Why do we need to go to the cake shop if you already know what cake _you_ want?”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“Hyung! It’s a cake tasting. We can eat as many cakes as we want.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“Jinyoung-ah, I hate to break it to you, but this cake tasting is not free.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“Nope. I explained something to them regarding my favorite cakes and my situation so they gave me more cakes to choose on for free.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________Jaebeom couldn’t believe what he was hearing. There they were, busy once again with the wedding preparation and Jinyoung is here- contacting their baker just to get free cakes and probably champagnes.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________He snorts. “I can’t believe you.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“Well, you should know who you’re going to marry and believe it.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“I know. I’m so lucky. I love you.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“I love you too. Now, where’s my good morning kiss?”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________ _ _ _ _ _ _

________Yugyeom is at the age where he'd go anywhere his dads would go. At this point, nothing could stop him even if Jaebeom is doing his business in the washroom or Jinyoung is cooking their breakfast._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________The cute little monster (which Jaebeom said) would wake up earlier than them and immediately open their bedroom door, pat his arms multiple times just to say, “Appa, up” which meant for him to join them in the bed._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________Even before this happened, one time when Jaebeom woke up earlier than Jinyoung, he saw their baby crawling towards their bed which alerted his whole body because he realized Yugyeom can already get out from his crib._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________Another time was when Jinyoung had to leave early for work, he saw Yugyeom peacefully sleeping on his own bed. Minutes later when he was about to brush his teeth, the baby was already looking for him inside the washroom, “Appa, up.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________And no matter how many times they tell him that it’s okay to just play around instead of following his dads wherever they go. They just earned a giggling mess of a doe-eyed baby saying “Dada?”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________Now Jaebeom is thinking of whether to add another pet in their small family or even the bigger decision of adopting another baby to become Yugyeom’s brother. All he could stress out while cooking breakfast for Yugyeom was how he should say it to his husband. A great amount of time was involved when they adopted Yugyeom, they both had to adjust their working hours to make sure someone’s looking after their son and now Jaebeom isn’t completely appalled with adding more to their happy family._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________As he’s coddling their baby again while flipping the eggs, Yugyeom’s eyes were glued to his food, savouring the smell of his breakfast._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“What do you say, Gyeom Gyeom? Do you want a baby brother?”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________His son just looked at him with a toothy smile, fingers playfully stuck in his mouth. “Gyeom is baby?”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________Jaebeom laughed at the cuteness which made Yugyeom startled and started laughing too. “No, Gyeom Gyeom. You’re already Appa’s baby, but do you want a baby brother? Someone who’s younger than you and then you can play together? Do you want that?”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________Yugyeom’s eyes widened with the idea. He once again showed his toothy smile to him and said, “Gyeom Gyeom wants brother?”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“Ah! You’re so cute I want to squish your cheeks!” Jaebeom laughs as he peppered kisses on his son’s small face which earned him loud giggles._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“Don’t eat the baby, hyung.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“Daddy!” Yugyeom immediately cries away to move to his other dad’s open arms._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“Good morning baby Gyeom~” Jinyoung cooed as he carried his son in his arms. “You both left me in the bed this morning.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“Good morning! I’m sorry, love. Yugyeom wanted to eat his breakfast early. Right, Gyeomie?”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________Yugyeom adorably dances around his father’s arms, “Gyeom wants eggs.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“Is that so? Are you hungry now, Gyeom? Are you also going to feed your baby brother your favorite food once he’s here?”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________Yugyeom quickly nods away as he places his head on Jinyoung’s shoulder._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“So you heard that?”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“Yes, hyung. I was watching you both and it’s really adorable. Something I pictured before and now it’s right in front of me. I love you.” He gives him a peck on the lips as he gets himself a glass of water._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“Should we do it? Should we apply again?”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“Do you want to, hyung?” Jinyoung smiles at him and looks at Yugyeom still relaxed on his arms._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“I want to, but I want to make sure we’re both ready for this again. Remember the first time we had Yugyeom? All those sleepless nights and loud cries? Do you think we can do it again?”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________Jinyoung beams with the idea. Yes, it was horribly stressful when Yugyeom arrived at their house. They were both stressed from baby-proofing the whole house, stayed up late decorating the baby room, non stop shopping for baby clothes, milk, and diapers. The first few months of them not getting enough sleep because Yugyeom was adjusting to his new surroundings, everything was worth it the moment their baby stops crying, looks at both of them in the eyes and starts smiling._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________So can they do it again? Of course they can. They always can. It was already something they planned before, something they wished to happen years ago._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“I love you and I love Yugyeom, I think we’re ready to love another one inside our little family, right?”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________Jaebeom looks at him with crinkled eyes. “Then let’s do it.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“I love you, my husband.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“I love you too, my husband.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________A mewling sound enters the kitchen. Nora peacefully places herself near Jaebeom as she cries._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“She sensed that you didn’t say you love her too and now she’s crying.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________Jinyoung laughs as he steps away from Jaebeom to rub Nora’s ears. “I’m sorry baby, you’re still the first baby in this family.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________Nora gives a satisfied purr as Jinyoung rubs her. Yugyeom quickly gets away from Jinyoung’s arms to pat Nora’s stomach._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“Gyeom loves Nora too.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________His parents laugh at him with adoration. “Yes, Gyeom loves Nora too. Do you love Appa and Daddy?”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________Yugyeom looks at them as he playfully squats to place Nora near his foot. “Gyeom loves Appa and Daddy!”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________Jinyoung and Jaebeom coos at him. They both kneeled before Yugyeom as they kissed both his cheeks._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_____________“We also love Gyeom Gyeom.” Yugyeom laughs as he places both his tiny arms to embrace his fathers._  
  
  
  
_ _

_  
then I learned the truth  
how everything good in life seems to lead back to you  
and every single time I run into your arms  
I feel like I exist for love  
like I exist for love  
only for love  
_

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you very much for reading!  
> The original title for this was 'When You Love Someone', but last minute changes I typed in Exist for Love which is Aurora's song and if you haven't heard it yet, go ahead!  
> [Exist For Love](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kWE1jNVAfT8)
> 
> I hope you guys enjoyed my attempt in this kind of theme. 
> 
> Kudos and comments are highly appreciated!  
> Drop by on my [Twitter](https://twitter.com/tyellowumbrella) my DMs are always open if u want to rant, want a prompt, or literally anything!  
> See you on my next fic!


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